HOW FREAKING GOOD DO YOU FEEL?

Dr. Oz on the Oprah show proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you have started and have never finished." Therefore, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and had not finished. Before leaving for work this morning I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, a half full bottle of fine 15 year old Scotch, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, those two little white pills left over from Burning Man, 5 vials of Chinese Royal Jelly and a box of fine dark German chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

I received the above from my wonderful sister and it started me thinking. What projects have I started and never finished? In other words, how freaking good do I feel.

Before I began writing, I spent time restoring old tube radios. This is a hobby with many rewards. Bringing a vintage radio back to life is like visiting a bye-gone era. Imagine sitting in front of a 1940s radio and the listening to the news that Pearl Harbor was just bombed. On the other hand, how about turning on your radio on a Friday afternoon and listening to the sounds of Glenn Miller.

Three years ago, I began writing my first novel. Consequently, my radio projects fell by the way side. I now realize that in order to feel good about myself I need to balance one with the other. My resolution this year is to restore one radio a month and continue writing my second novel.
What are your unfinished projects? How freaking good do you feel?

If you meet people without humor, they are dead.

 People are social by nature. They have fears, concerns, experience happiness (smiling) and failure (frowning). It takes 22 muscles to smile and 32 muscles to frown so why not let your reader smile as they read your manuscript.

        Humor wears many hats and can effectively enhance your writing. The idea is not to let your reader think your protagonist is a clown but to add a real true-life characteristic to their personality.

        I said that humor has many hats. By this, I mean the different types of humor available to writers. There is the laugh aloud humor, the kind you hear at a party or read in a joke magazine. There is purposeful humor. Humor created by the actions of your protagonist, like playing a joke on their best friend. How about creating a scene between two of your characters whose dialogue creates a humorous scene. I call this indirect humor. A third party such as your reader can only observe this type of humor. Indirect humor is my favorite because it draws in your reader and makes them smile or laugh.

        I will give an example of indirect humor from my second book titled QUEST (sequel to MYSTERIOUS GIFT). First, I must set up the scene for you. Jen and Cheryl are in modern day Greece looking for the Muse of History. The hotel they are staying in is magical. Built by the ancient Greek gods it has many features not found in normal hotels. For one, normal people cannot see it. They see only an empty lot. The rooms Jen and Cheryl are staying in look small from the outside, however inside it expands to hundreds of square feet. The bathroom contains a brook for bathing and healing and has a trail leading to a large field covered in flowers and cold mountains in the background. This area is The Valley of Dreams; you can act out your deepest fantasies. If your fantasy is to have an affair with a Greek god or hero, it can happen here. Want to be the hero of a war or listen to Plato as he recites his teachings; it is all possible here. Time stands still while you are inside this valley. Jen explores this area; becomes disillusioned, and returns to her room. She vows to warn Cheryl of the Valley of Dreams.

Excerpt: Jen was just about to check her own clothing for the night's activities when she heard knocking on the door leading to Cheryl's room. Cheryl came in dressed in her bathrobe. Her arms and legs showed several dark, reddish bruises. A red welt crossed her left cheek.


  "Cheryl, what happened to you?"


  "I spent time in the Valley of Dreams."


  "Oh Cheryl, I was going to warn you about that. It is false; no real happiness can come of it."


  Cheryl's eyes took on a dreamy look.


  "It was wonderful, and I would do it again. You should have seen them: tall, muscular, bearded, and brave."


  Jen's mouth dropped opened as she stepped backwards and looked again at Cheryl.


  "They all wanted to do my bidding, no questions asked. I was surrounded by men, all eager to please me."


  "Cheryl,how many men where there?"


  "Three hundred, strong, brave, and willing men, all at my beckoning."


  Jen tripped backwards, landing on her bed.


  "Three hundred," she gasped.


  "I changed history and won the Battle of Thermopylae."


        A pillow lifted and flew from Jen's bed hitting Cheryl across her face. Jen looked up as the door closed--only Cheryl's laughter echoed in her mind.

        If you were Jen or Cheryl neither of you would appreciate the humor in the dialogue. Your reader sits on the outside and discovers the humor. They might even smile or laugh. With the popular movie THE 300, still fresh in the minds of moviegoers, it was a natural choice for Cheryl to dream of winning that impossible battle. This theme (Cheryl winning the battle of Thermopylae), is mentioned several more times, much to Jen's annoyance.

        The question is, do you employ humor in your novel, and if not, why? Examples are welcome.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all

I want to wish each and everyone a wondrous, blissful Christmas and New Year. It is hard to believe that another year has almost ended. Last year I set my writing goals. They included finishing my novel’s editing and sending out my first query letters. To this end, I was successful. l am waiting for the New Year to continue seeking agent representation.

How about your last year’s goals, did you met or exceed them? For this coming year I wish all of you success in finding the perfect match between yourself and an agent. The pictures are from my farmstead (yesterday). At 6AM the wind dropped the temperatures down to minus 20.

(Jake, the best horse, cattle and sheep dog around. He even herds me up when it’s time to feed him)

(Like the US Mail, nothing prevents my horses from eating)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Pet Peeves

This could be fun; something to let you vent your opinions and ideas. The rules are simple. No direct reference to specific names, websites or blogs can appear in your answers. My first Pet Peeve is in the form of a question.


It you have researched agents/publishers who publish books in your genre, what pet peeve prevents you from placing them on your short-list?

Any agent, who says in their submission guidelines, if they are not interested in your manuscript they, simply will not respond to your query. This falls into my “Bummer” category. I mean here you are after many years of writing, editing and researching whom to submit your query to and they tell you they will not take the time to acknowledge your efforts.

What are your pet peeves?

Conversation that you never want.

Hello, this is your Inner Voice speaking.
Oh boy, this could be trouble.
I read your manuscript and find it promising interesting good.
Thanks, I think.
Your writing is intriguing and still lacks something.
Wait a minute. If you are my Inner Voice, where were you when I wrote my ms?
I just returned from a three-year vacation in Germany.
Therefore, I can call you my Missing Voice.
Exactly--Hey, that is not fair--you tricked me.
Exactly. What do you mean my story lacks something?
It is a cute story with a twist; however, your antagonist is a retarded fish!
Fish, there is no stinking fish in my novel. What book did you read?
Moby Fish, something along that line. I remember now, it was about a big fish.
Sounds like you did more that take a vacation in Germany. How much beer did you absorb?
Belch!
I thought so. I wonder if you are even my Inner Voice. My Inner Voice would be discussing style, character development, plot and dialogue. You know, topics pertaining to my writing skills. I believe you have been in Germany for more than 3 years.
Herman, it was only yesterday that I visited Deutschland.
Ah Ha, you have not read my novel. My name is David and your writer was Herman Melville; he passed away in 1891. You have been wandering aimlessly among writers for over a hundred years. My Inner Voice has been silent and I am guessing that is an indication that I have not made any major writing mistakes. You need a new writer to bother help. Read my mind and go help that person.
Thank you for clearing this up for me. I will leave now…ACQ here I come!
Boy--that was a narrow escape. Imagine my surprise when he confused me with the great Herman Melville. I believe I will work on my novel.
David, this is your Inner Voice. We need to talk.

Happy Thankgiving

Hello everyone


I want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and joyous time with your family and loved ones. My large turkey sits in the fridge, waiting for my stuffing (known throughout the entire universe and the Lesser Antilles). Complementing this will be my world famous Mince Meat pie, string beans, sweet and mashed potatoes. Probably should not forget the Croissants, dripping with real butter and clover honey. My family dinner will take place on Saturday…some of my relatives have to work tomorrow.

The other good news is that I have taken the plunge and submitted my first, of many, query letters. I am researching Agents and Publishers on Query Tracker. If you are not a member of this site, you should be. Sign-up is free and quick. Click on Find Agent, type in your genre and you are looking at a list of agents looking for your work.

The E-Book Reader War

    
     There is a lot of talk (and buying) about the different e-book readers currently on the market. To mention a few there is Amazon’s Kindle, the Sony e-book reader and Barns and Nobel’s Nook. The Nook features two screens, one for reading your book and the other smaller one for viewing in color the book cover. Qualcomm is also introducing a full color reader. Prices are still high for all of the readers and will have to lower to an acceptable level for the common person to afford one. If the e-book reader is the new wave of the future then I believe the price should be affordable for everyone, say a hundred dollars. Every time an e-book is sold and downloaded to a reader the company receives $10 to $13 dollars. I am not sure how much the author receives for each sale but you can guess it is minimal compared to the profit of the companies selling the product.

     Besides the price of an e-book reader dropping what features would you like to see if you purchased one? I will start this off. I would like to be able to hook it to my computer and upload my unpublished manuscript. I would also (as I read it) like to be able to edit it via a small keypad or at least underline the places to edit later. Finally I would like to be able to download it back into my computer. I am looking forward to reading your comments.